From Dude To Dad
It is hard to imagine that this coming June 20th will mark my 21st Father’s Day as a dad. Where did the time go?
As I reflect on that rhetorical question, I find myself reliving that first moment I found out I was going to be a dad. My wife and I had previously had a conversation that it was time to start a family, so this was not something that was sprung on me last minute. We approached the task at hand seriously.
It had been three months of specific effort prior to finding out my wife was pregnant. Each month was filled with its ups and downs. I was constantly experiencing the excitement of the possibility and the disappointment of the reality. However, having tried only 3 months, I have to say I really had nothing to complain about. Besides, it was an exciting time knowing that what I was doing was creating another being. That is powerful.
But again, back to that moment when I found out I was going to be a dad. It was around 5 am, and I awoke to the sound of crying coming from the bathroom. Concerned and freaked out that something terrible had happened, I cautiously got out of bed, approached my wife, and asked what happened. It was at that EXACT moment (when she turned around with the pregnancy test in hand that I knew I was about to be a dad.) I was in shock! Forget that we had planned on becoming parents! At that moment, I felt as if I did not plan anything at all. Especially how I would feel once I found out I was going to be a dad.
It was a bittersweet moment. Knowing I was responsible for participating in creating our child was an amazing feeling. But then came the rush of panic flooding through my veins. “Will I be a good dad? What do I know about parenting? Can I keep our kid alive if he/she’s left alone with me?” These are actual thoughts I had.
The following 9 months were spent working on my part to get emotionally and physically prepared for this new being to arrive. Thank God for yoga and running marathons (to date, I have run 7 but have since retired my kicks. My body is telling me it is time.)
Having some male friends in the same boat as you is always helpful. (On a side note, a good therapist will do the job too. No pressure, though!) That was not the case for me, as I was the first in my group to take the plunge. But taking parenting classes will solve that problem. How do I know? Cause I did NOT take them and stayed friendless the whole first few months of parenting. If that happens to you, do not fret. Once your kid comes and you start going out into the world, you will naturally gravitate towards other dads and eventually find a network to connect with and reach out to when things get overwhelming. Believe me, you are going to quickly set up Friday night hangouts with your new first-time parent friends to survive the witching hour that inevitably begins around 5 pm daily (more like 4:30 if you are in my household. Lucky me!)
But in all seriousness, that is when the wine, pizza, and your new friends (with toddlers in tow) will come to the rescue and help distract from that unbearable hour OR two. Planning hangouts with friends is always a great way to get that support you need when parenting gets to be just a tad bit difficult (and unfortunately, that difficulty comes whether you like it or not.) While it may seem like those days will never end, I can assure you they will. And when that time comes, you will have a whole new set of emotions to deal with. But let us not get ahead of ourselves just yet!
The roller coaster of emotions you will experience from this point on will be like none before. But experience gives you strength and if you are overwhelmed, know that you are not the first father to feel this way. If you are a veteran dad and happen upon a new dad struggling for the first time, give him a hand or a nod to say, “Dude, I’ve been there before. You got this.” What at first, may seem overwhelming and scary, soon becomes second nature.
Finding the time to release the fears and frustrations of parenting is something you owe to yourself as you take on this new role of dad. Establish a ritual, be it going for a walk or a run, heading to the gym, or going for a hike, that will help you regroup and come back to the parenting table better than you were before. That will make you a better dad and husband.
So as your family and friends wish you a Happy Father’s Day this coming June, I hope you can take the time to be thankful for the amazing gift of life that you contributed to in creating your family. It is a special day to recognize that family is important and would not be possible without you DAD!
Here’s to a Happy Father’s Day!
Photo Credit: Suzanne Landis
Chris Pegula is the award-winning author of “From Dude to Dad” & “Diaper Dude”. You can stream his podcast and read his blog on his website.